You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
