i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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