Where is the hickey?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
