I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize