I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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