Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Less talking, more tequila
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
