I wish I could teleport
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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