dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So vagazzling was a success
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
