Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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