alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
