when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
