i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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