this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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