My boss' voice literally gives me gas
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
