Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
