He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
