And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
