Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
