it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize