it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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