**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
