There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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