We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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