I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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