i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
