I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
