he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
