My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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