I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
