Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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