One girl and one boy is just not enough.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
