U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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