I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
