FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
