Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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