She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
