I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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