Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize