there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
