I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
