my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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