I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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