You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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