I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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