I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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