I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
