i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
