dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
