Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
