I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
