sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
