Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
