My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
