There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
