Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm at about main and main street
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
