i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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