If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
