I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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