She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize