i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't deserve a penis
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
