Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize