i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
