I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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