Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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