Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
