I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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